Scream
by WriterS
Summary: There is a Killer loose in Flowerbud. He is abusing all the women in Flowerbud and robbing houses. Can Jack catch somebody the police can’t before it’s too late? Chapter 4 is up!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Scream  
  
Written by: Shane  
  
Date: June 18 2003  
  
Overview: There is a Killer loose in Flowerbud. He is abusing all the women in Flowerbud and robbing houses. Can Jack catch somebody the police can't before it's too late?   
  
Mystery/Romance Rated PG-13  
  
(Jack is watching TV when he gets a phone call and answers it)  
  
Jack: Hello?  
  
Man: What's your favorite scary movie?  
  
Jack: Who is this? Is this some kind of joke?  
  
Killer: (Laughs hysterically)  
  
Jack: Can I order two cheese pizza's please?  
  
Killer: Im outside the house Jack. I am going to get you TONIGHT!  
  
Jack: NO! PLEASE DON'T!  
  
*The Killer hangs up*  
  
Jack: Hello? Hello?  
  
Outside the front door someone is knocking at the door he goes over to his bedroom and gets out a shotgun and cocks it. Then he moves closer to the door. He started to turn the knob and swung the door open.  
  
Jack: (Relieved) Gotz? What do you want?  
  
Gotz: I just came to ask for some wood. I ran out and Sabarbia has my axe so I can't cut any.  
  
Jack: Sure take as much as you want.   
  
Gotz: Thanks Jack.  
  
Jack: Sure no problem.  
  
Jack goes back onto the couch looking for any sudden movement but finds nothing. He hears another knock on the door. He goes over again thinking it is the carpenter and opens the door.  
  
Jack: No need to pay me I…  
  
A figure flies into the house and lands on Jack punching him and hitting him.  
  
Popuri: Hey, what's up Jack?  
  
Jack: Popuri you scared the hell out of me. Was that really necessary?  
  
Popuri: ….no not really I just wanted to ask you if u had any extra honey.   
  
Jack: No I don't have any. I just used up the last of it to make some ice cream.  
  
Popuri: Ice cream?  
  
Jack: Yeah you want some?  
  
Popuri: Do I ever!  
  
Jack: Help yourself.  
  
Popuri: (Gulfing down the Ice Cream) Jack what's wrong you're not quite yourself.  
  
Jack: I got a phone call and with a guy saying he is going to kill me.  
  
Popuri: Really? (Blushes) Then maybe I should spend the night…to protect you.  
  
Jack: Okay let's watch TV.  
  
Popuri: Sounds great.  
  
Both of them go back onto the couch and they start watching scream.  
  
Popuri: I love this movie! I used to watch it all the time with Kai.  
  
Jack: You still like him?  
  
Popuri: A little. Why?  
  
Jack: (Blushing) just wondering…  
  
There is a big thud at the door.  
  
Popuri: Did you hear that?  
  
Jack: Hear what?  
  
Popuri: The door, someone is at the door.  
  
Jack: Okay ill get it.  
  
Popuri: No let me.  
  
Popuri goes to the door and opens it. The man in the scream mask is at the door holding up a knife.  
  
Killer: WWAAAAZZZZUUUUPPPP  
  
Popuri: Oh you must be here for charity.  
  
Killer: Uhhh.  
  
Popuri: Hey Jack do you have any money?  
  
Jack: No. I just spent my money on a new shotgun.  
  
Popuri: Sorry, we don't have anything.  
  
(The killer is about to stab Popuri)  
  
Popuri: HEY!  
  
Killer: What?   
  
Popuri: You are that actor from scream! Can I have your autograph?  
  
Killer: Uhhh sure.  
  
(Writes on a sheet of paper and gives it to Popuri)  
  
Popuri: Thank you very much!  
  
(The killer is about to come in and Popuri closes the door in his face and the killer falls over.)  
  
Popuri: Well that was strange.  
  
Jack: I don't know about you, but I am going to go to sleep.  
  
(Lays on couch)  
  
Popuri: Okay I'll save you if someone comes in and tries to slaughter us.  
  
Jack: Okay…   
  
Jack lays there while the movie is still playing and eventually falls asleep. Then while Popuri is watching the movie the killer comes in from the window and stabs her and she falls over and the killer runs out.  
  
Jack: I need something to drink.  
  
(Gets up and sees Popuri on the floor)  
  
Jack: Popuri did you get into my Champagne again? Oh well…  
  
(Gets some Apple Juice and realizes she was stabbed)   
  
Jack: Oh my god! I need to call the clinic!  
  
Jack picks up the phone and dials the number to the clinic.  
  
Doctor: Hello?  
  
Jack: Help! Popuri has been stabbed!  
  
Doctor: God Damnit. I'll be right over.  
  
Jack hangs up and the killer comes through the window.  
  
Killer: I'm going to kill you for calling the authorities!   
  
Jack: (Gets his shotgun and shoots at the killer but misses)  
  
Killer: Can't you shoot any better than that? (Stabs him and runs away)  
  
Just then the doctor and Elli bust in.  
  
Doctor: Jack I heard a shot and… OH MY GOD! Elli call the police!  
  
Elli: Yes, Doctor.  
  
Ten minutes later the Harris, the mayor and 5 other cops come in.  
  
Mayor: I heard what happened. Are they…dead?  
  
Doctor: (Feels for a pulse) No mayor they are still alive but barely. I need to do emergency surgery on them.  
  
Harris: (Turns to the other cops) Well boys, looks like we got us a killer on the loose. Cliff and Tim, you check the town and beach. Chris and John you check the beach, and Thick and I will and I'll check the farm and the woods behind it.  
  
Cops: Yes sir!  
  
Harris and the other cops go investigate and Elli and the Doctor take Jack and Popuri to the Clinic.  
  
Elli: Doctor Do you think they will make it?  
  
Doctor: I doubt it, but we can't give up now can we?  
  
Elli: (upset) No I guess not.  
  
Meanwhile, in the woods behind Jack's farm.  
  
Harris: What the hell is this?  
  
Thick: It looks like a mask.  
  
Harris: A mask? What is a mask doing in the middle of the woods?  
  
Thick: I have no idea. (Puts the mask in a bag) But it will sure come in handy in identifying the killer.  
  
Harris: Yeah I guess so…  
  
They walk farther in the woods and the killer is behind them with a knife.  
  
Harris: You! 


	2. Who done it?

Chapter 2:  
  
Inside Jack's house Chef, Timid, Bold, Cliff, Jack and Gray are playing poker. In the corner of the room is a 30-Pack.  
  
Jack: Alright boys the name of the game is poker, Minimum bet is 1000G. You boys ready to loose?  
  
Gray: (Grabs a beer) more like your going to loose.  
  
Chef: Ah shut it. In case you didn't know I play excellent poker.  
  
Cliff: When he is stoned.  
  
Chef: Damn straight.  
  
(They all laugh)  
  
They all place their bets and Jack sets a Royal Flush between the cards and starts dealing.  
  
Chef: damn I don't have anything Ill discard 5. (Gives Jack 5 Cards and Jack deals him another 5) Damn I still don't have anything.  
  
Gray: (Smirks) Ill keep all of them.  
  
Cliff: Give me 4 (Jack gives him 4)  
  
Timid: I'll keep all of mine too.  
  
Bold: Me too.  
  
Jack: Alright let's see what you got.  
  
Chef: I aint got Jack shit. (He doesn't have Jack shit.)  
  
Bold: Ha 4 of a kind suckers  
  
Gray: Ha read them and weep. (Has 5 of a kind)  
  
Cliff: I got a full house. (Do I really have to explain?)  
  
Timid: Ha kiss my ass (Places down a king, queen, 2, 4 and a 6.)  
  
Bold: Ah Timid, that isn't anything.  
  
Timid: It isn't? I thought it was a queen flush or whatever the fuck you call it.  
  
Chef: That's a Royal flush you jack ass! Plus that is with a King, Queen, Jack, 10 and an ace, Dip shit.  
  
Timid: Oh yeah.  
  
Jack: Just like what I got! (Places down the Royal Flush)  
  
All: You cheated!  
  
Jack: No I didn't.  
  
Just then the boys hear glass break and the Killer jumps through the window.  
  
Killer: WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPP  
  
Jack: Have I seen you before?  
  
Killer: Uh yeah I stabbed Popuri remember?  
  
Jack: No shit, I don't remember.  
  
Chef: That's because you probably drank to much.  
  
Jack: Oh yeah.  
  
Killer: (takes out a butcher knife)  
  
Jack: Oh I got one of those too (Takes out his knife from his pocket) Want to play?  
  
Killer: (Laughs and takes out a pistol and shoots Jack)  
  
Jack: Damn you killing fuck (Falls over)  
  
Chef: You bastard you killed Jack.  
  
Killer: So? Hey, you got any good shit left?  
  
Chef: Sure come back to my place to have a few.  
  
Killer: Sounds good.  
  
(Chef and the Killer leave)  
  
Bold: Call the police!  
  
Cliff: I am the police dip shit.  
  
Bold: Oh yeah.  
  
Cliff gets on his radio and tries to contact the police station but can't.  
  
Cliff: It's dead.  
  
Gray: Then help me carry the body to the clinic.  
  
Meanwhile at the clinic.  
  
Elli sits in the clinic and organizes medicine in the cabinet. She watches the doctor come inside from the rain.  
  
Elli: You know there should be more birth control stuff in here with all the babies flying out around here.  
  
Doctor: Elli, you shouldn't talk like that.  
  
Elli: Well it's true.  
  
Doctor: Damn it now there are two victims. Who do you think will be next?  
  
Elli: How the hell would I know?   
  
Just then the boys came in carrying Jack's body.  
  
Cliff: It was horrible. He shot this one.  
  
Doctor: God Damnit now there are three victims.  
  
Gray: Three?  
  
Doctor: Yeah we found Harris in the woods. He was stabbed.  
  
Elli: Go tell the mayor to call for another meeting. The town must know about this.  
  
Cliff: Okay.  
  
So Cliff and Gray go to the mayor's house and timid and bold go back home.  
  
Mayor: What is it? You look like you seen a ghost.  
  
Cliff: Jack…Harris...  
  
Mayor: Gone?  
  
Gray: Not yet but they were attacked.  
  
Mayor: Oh no sound the bell for a meeting.  
  
The town gathers at the ring of the bell. They all gather at town square as the mayor walks up to them. They quiet down.  
  
Mayor: If you haven't already heard there is a killer around.   
  
All: Ah!  
  
Mayor: Jack, Harris and Popuri have been stabbed. You know shit happens.  
  
Guy: Uh excuse me sir.  
  
Mayor: What is it?  
  
Guy: Jack was shot sir.  
  
Mayor: What fuckin ever.  
  
Elli: Mayor I got an idea.  
  
Mayor: What is it?  
  
Elli: Why don't we have a party to calm ourselves?  
  
Mayor: Sounds like a plan.  
  
Duke: Will there be booze?  
  
Mayor: Tons of it and maybe Chef can roll me a few.  
  
All: MAYOR!  
  
Mayor: What? I like weed is it a crime?  
  
Cliff: Uh actually it is mayor.  
  
Mayor: Whatever lets get ready for the party.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Chef: Uhhh son, this shit is so good my whole body hurts.  
  
Timid: where did you find this stuff?  
  
Chef: From the bag over there.  
  
Timid: uhhh you mean that one (points).  
  
Chef: Hell yeah I just found it there, is it your bag?  
  
Timid: You should have told me it was from my bag, this isn't weed you faggot!  
  
Chef: Well it sure was the best thing I ever smoked.  
  
Timid: Do you know what this is?  
  
Chef: what?  
  
Timid: Constipation medicine!  
  
Chef: So it makes you constipated?  
  
Timid: No it relieves symptoms of constipation. Do you realize what you have done?!  
  
Chef: No.  
  
Timid: we will have to shit so much it will come out of our ass. I mean it will come out of our ears!  
  
Chef: You can shit through your ears?  
  
Timid: It's an expression dumb ass.  
  
Chef: Well why in god's name do you have constipation medicine?  
  
Timid: Because I love putting it in peoples drinks at the bar and watch them run to the bathroom!  
  
Chef: Oh....I just got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  
  
*Bold comes in*.  
  
Bold: Hey, the Mayor wants you to roll him a few.  
  
Chef: Okay.  
  
John another police officer does some last minute patrolling when he smells something.  
  
John: What…the  
  
Killer: Hello John.  
  
(Turns around)  
  
John: Hey, you is that weed I smell?  
  
Killer: Uh no officer.  
  
John: It better not. (Continues patrol)  
  
Killer: (Stabs him in the back)  
  
Meanwhile outside the sprites house Chef starts rolling up some papers and packing in some last minute drugs before he leaves while Timid is inside.  
  
Chef: Are you ready yet?  
  
Timid: No!  
  
Chef: Hurry up you slow fuck, I'm leaving now.  
  
Timid: Go ahead.  
  
Chef: Fine (leaves for the party).  
  
(The phone rings)  
  
Timid: Hello?  
  
Killer: I'm outside the house.  
  
Timid: Yeah and so was chef a little while ago.  
  
Killer: I could be anywhere out here. I am like a fox baby.  
  
Timid: Yeah whatever.  
  
Killer: Ill see you later.  
  
(Hangs up and starts talking to himself)  
  
Timid: Well I'm going to the party now with the others.  
  
(He walks outside where the killer is standing in the road)  
  
Timid: Hello Chef I know it's you.  
  
Killer: Oh really?  
  
Killer: How about this?  
  
(Takes out the knife)  
  
Timid: Chef I know you wont do shit to me, I could bust your ass.  
  
Killer: ha-ha  
  
(Slices Timid in the side)  
  
Timid: uhhh you killing fuck!  
  
Over at Ann's House the people arrive at the party.  
  
Ann: Where is Chef and Timid?  
  
Elli: They haven't arrived yet.  
  
Ann: Oh, well I'm going into the warehouse for another keg.  
  
Elli: Ok.  
  
Ann goes into the warehouse and hears a noise in the next room.  
  
Ann: Hello?  
  
Just then the killer comes up behind her.  
  
Ann: AHHH (screams)  
  
Killer: Where are you going?  
  
Ann: What did I do?!  
  
Killer: Nothing that you know of.  
  
Ann: Leave me alone!  
  
(The killer chases Ann down into an empty room)  
  
(Rick walks in)  
  
Rick: I know who the killer is it is the Doctor!  
  
Killer: Your right it's me (Takes of the mask and it is the Doctor.)  
  
Ann: Oh my!  
  
(Timid walks in, with a stab on his chest)  
  
Timid: Wait! The killer is really Chef!  
  
Killer: Your right it's me (Takes of the Doctor mask and its Chef)  
  
Timid: He has the opportunity when he was 'going to the party' he actually changed and came back to kill me! I know it wasn't the doctor because he was taking care of all of those injured people.  
  
(Mary walks in)  
  
Mary: It's not chef at all, I saw him at the party when you said he was killing you. The killer is actually Karen!  
  
Ann: What?!  
  
Killer: Your right it is me (Takes off chef face and its Karen).  
  
Mary: She had the motive. She has been flirting with my boyfriend Gray; it was just a matter of time before she came for me!   
  
Ann: Well actually it isn't Karen. She was with me all day. I know who it is. It can only be Jack!  
  
Killer: Your right it is me (Take off Karen mask and its Jack)  
  
Ann: Jack needed some quick cash so he faked his own death to get his life insurance and all the rest of the town.  
  
(Elli Walks in)  
  
Elli: No it isn't Jack you have all been fooled. Can't you see? The only person this could be is the one and only MAYOR!  
  
Mayor: Correct! (Takes off Jack's face)  
  
Ann: But why?  
  
(Chef comes in stoned)  
  
Chef: Harris was part of it.  
  
All: Harris?  
  
(Harris runs in)   
  
Harris: It was the perfect plan but it didn't work.  
  
Cliff: But why boss?  
  
Mayor: hahaha you hear that Harris I think they want a motive.  
  
Timid: Ill give you a motive right up the ass. I told you people not to vote for him!  
  
Mayor: It is very simple. Hey Elli you know about that industry deal I told you about?  
  
Elli: Yeah?  
  
Mayor: Well the governor offered me a job I couldn't refuse. He offered me 100,000,000G If I turned this town into an industry town. So I killed everyone who had a farming role. Jack who is the best in town. Popuri, Jack's lover. And the rest of the people I killed just got in the way.  
  
Timid: And about you policeman?  
  
Harris: Me? You shittin me? I would of got rich off of the industry deal. I only needed to help out and the mayor would give me 50/50 but you are smarter than you seem.  
  
Cliff: Okay you guys are coming with me.  
  
Timid: WAIT!  
  
Timid pulls a pocket knife out and stabs the Mayor in the back)  
  
Timid: That's for stabbing this town in the back. These people trusted you.  
  
Mayor: Uhhh  
  
Chef: What's everyone talking about.  
  
Basil: Just stay out of this chef.  
  
(Cliff gets the 2 into a police car, with some other officers)  
  
Afterlouge:  
  
Harris got 25 years for third degree attempted murder.  
  
The Mayor got life for first degree attempted murder.  
  
Writer S: Just so you know this story isn't over yet. Do you think it is really like me to only do 2 chapters on a story? It is going to be more like 10 Chapters. 


	3. The Spin Off

Chapter 3:  
  
Note: This chapter contains Sexual themes and extreme adult language in some places. This may be offensive to some readers. I will post warnings where I think younger readers. (Especially women readers) Might take offence. You have been warned.  
  
There is a dark area outside a hut, in the small town of Mineral Village. In the church the Pastor was in the confession room when Chef stepped inside.  
  
Chef: Why is it so dark in here?  
  
Pastor: This is a confession room.  
  
Chef: Confession room?  
  
Pastor: It is where you confess your sins.  
  
Chef: I guess.  
  
Pastor: So, what have you done?  
  
Chef: I did a lot of stuff like Stampeded cattle, Terrorized citizens, assaulted the mayor, killed a sheep.  
  
Pastor: Killed a sheep?  
  
Chef: It was an accident I had a spasm in my arm and I threw a rock and it hit the sheep.  
  
Pastor: Okay.Is there anything else you would like to confess about?  
  
Chef: Well I just had some munchies but last time I checked that wasn't a sin. (Laughs hysterically)  
  
Pastor: Uh okay you can go now.  
  
Chef: But you haven't told me the goddess forgives me!  
  
Pastor: Believe me the goddess will never forgive you.  
  
Chef: Fuck you!  
  
(Chef storms out and Jack comes in)  
  
Jack: Uh Pastor?  
  
Pastor: Yes Jack?  
  
Jack: I.uh need to talk to you. It isn't about confessing unless it is confessing about love.  
  
Pastor: Okay shoot.  
  
Jack: (Pulls out a gun)  
  
Pastor: No I mean ask away.  
  
Jack: Oh sorry about that. Well uh there is this girl.  
  
Pastor: Okay this girl.  
  
Jack: Who I love very, very much. But there is this guy that gets in the way. What should I do about it?  
  
Pastor: This isn't about Popuri and Kai is it?  
  
Jack: Uh yeah.  
  
Pastor: Normally I wouldn't say this but since it is that cheater Kai. Put this in his beer tonight.  
  
(Gives him a box)  
  
Jack: What will it do?  
  
Pastor: Lets just say he won't like girls for a long, long time. (Laughs hysterically)  
  
Jack: Uh pastor. Will it kill him?  
  
Pastor: No.  
  
Jack: Okay then sounds like fun. (Starts laughing too)  
  
At the Clinic Elli is sorting through the medicine cabinet when the Doctor comes in.  
  
Elli: Doctor don't you think it is strange that no one died 3 months ago?  
  
Doctor: Are you talking about when the mayor killed all those people?  
  
Elli: Yeah. I mean even Jack survived and he was shot in the head.  
  
Doctor: Let's just say the goddess was with us.  
  
Elli: But no one died!  
  
Doctor: Elli let's just drop this okay? We should be thanking the goddess that no one was killed.  
  
Elli: Okay I guess so.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Cliff: Uh Chief?  
  
Chief: What is it Cliff?  
  
Cliff: Uh Harris escaped sir.  
  
Chief: WHAT? Sound the alarm and alert the town's people.  
  
Cliff: Yes sir!  
  
The Mayor's bell rings and the towns people gather at the sound of the bell. The mayor walks up to them and they quiet down.  
  
Mayor: Harris has escaped!  
  
All: AHHHH!  
  
Mayor: Please everyone calm down.  
  
Chief: Everyone must stay calm. We are doing our best to ensure everyone's safety.  
  
Gray: Yeah like you guys helped us last time. The entire town almost got killed because of your lead officer and his asshole father.  
  
Chief: Please calm down or I will have to hold you in contempt.  
  
Gray: You? Put me in Jail? I would like to see you try! For all I know you and our new mayor could of let him out.  
  
ALL: Yeah!  
  
Mayor: I assure you we are doing our best to ensure the safety of this town. I had to pass a polygraph remember?  
  
All: Oh yeah.  
  
Gray: Well maybe the mayor isn't involved but that asshole cop could be.  
  
Chief: If you don't calm down.  
  
Gray: Calm down ill show you calming down.  
  
(Goes over to the statue in the middle of the courtroom and pisses all over it)  
  
Gray: There that's what I think about you mother fuckin cops.  
  
(Gives him the finger)  
  
Chief: Okay your coming with me. (Grabs Gray)  
  
Gray: Gets your hands off of me you man of the law.  
  
Chief: That's right and if I say your in jail your in jail.  
  
Mayor: Sorry about that.  
  
Meanwhile in the Sprites hut.  
  
Timid: Uh Bold we lost all of our money can we have some more?  
  
Bold: No fuckin way I don't have anymore money for you to waste at Jack's house, when you are never going to win anyway because he cheats!  
  
Timid: Oh come on Bold.  
  
Bold: NO!  
  
(Timid knocks bold down and steals all his money then runs out the door)  
  
Bold: God damn mother fucker.  
  
(Just then the phone rings and Bold picks it up)  
  
Bold: Hello?  
  
Killer: What is your favorite Scary Movie?  
  
Bold: What do you want and if its you gambling fucks you can't have anymore of my money.  
  
Killer: What is your favorite scary movie?  
  
Bold: Do you have to repeat your fucking self all the damn time? I am hanging up.  
  
Killer: Oh well I just wanted you to know I am outside of the house.  
  
(Killer hangs up)  
  
Bold: What a strange phone call. Oh well I'll just start watching TV again.  
  
(The Killer come through the window)  
  
Bold: I know your Timid and those gambling fucks you want my goddamn life insurance too.  
  
Killer: WUZZZZUUPPPPPPP  
  
Bold: You know I could kick your ass timid.  
  
(Killer slices him in the side)  
  
Bold: Damn you!  
  
Later that night in the bar. Ann is washing out glasses and Doug is in the warehouse preparing the alcohol for the customers when Jack, Popuri, Elli, Kai, Karen, Gray's Grandpa, Basil, Rick, Chef, Timid and Cliff come in.  
  
Jack: (Sits next to Kai)  
  
Kai: What do you want?  
  
Jack: I just wanted to know if you wanted a beer. It's on me.  
  
Kai: Is this some kind of trick?  
  
Jack: No, I just thought we shouldn't be enemies anymore. You know kind of well.friends.  
  
Kai: Yeah whatever I am on to you.  
  
Jack: Hey waitress!  
  
(Ann comes over)  
  
Ann: What can I get you boys?  
  
Jack: Just get me a bottle of Champagne and a beer for Kai here.  
  
Ann: Okay I'll be right back.  
  
(Ann leaves and comes back with the order)  
  
Jack: Thanks and here is a tip for your hard work.  
  
(Gives here 300G)  
  
Ann: Thanks.  
  
(Jack takes out the box and finds a bottle of pills inside and stick 4 of the pills into Kai's beer when he isn't looking)  
  
Kai: Hey look a pink elephant!  
  
Jack: Where?  
  
(Kai puts some Viagra pills into Jack's champagne)  
  
Kai: Sorry it was just Karen.  
  
Karen: You calling me a pink elephant?  
  
(Karen punches him in the face)  
  
Karen: That will teach you.  
  
Timid: Hey look a midget!  
  
Karen: Where?  
  
(Timid takes constipation medicine out of his bag and puts it into Karen's beer)  
  
Timid: Sorry it was just Chef.  
  
(Chef hits him on the head with a beer bottle)  
  
Chef: I aint no midget I'm just short.  
  
Chef: Hey Basil look it's a unicorn!  
  
Basil: Where?  
  
(Chef also puts constipation medicine into Basil's beer)  
  
Chef: Sorry it was just a regular horse, weird.  
  
(1 Hour later) Karen: Ughh I don't fell so good.  
  
Basil: Me either.  
  
Karen: You did something to my beer Basil!  
  
Basil: No you did something to my beer.  
  
Karen: Ughh I just got a bad feeling at the pit of my stomach.  
  
Basil: Me too.  
  
(They run to the bathroom and Chef and Timid laugh hysterically)  
  
Jack: That was a good one guys.  
  
Chef: We got tons more. Want me to teach you someday?  
  
Jack: Sure. (Looks at his watch) Oh shit! I have to be at the court house.  
  
(40 minutes later at the court house)  
  
Judge: Unless your star witness doesn't come in 5 minutes I am dismissing this case.  
  
(Just then the door flies open and Jack and Popuri come in)  
  
Jack: I'll see you later.  
  
Popuri: Okay ill be waiting at your place.  
  
Jack: Sounds good.  
  
Judge: Mister I suggest you come to the stand.  
  
Jack: Okay.  
  
(Jack walks over to the stand)  
  
Girl: Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god?  
  
Warning: This contains content that women maybe even some guys may find offensive I will post another warning in capital letters so that you may continue reading. You have been warned.  
  
Jack: I cannot tell a lie those are the biggest bosoms I have ever seen.  
  
Girl: Excuse me?  
  
Judge: Just say yes Jack.  
  
Jack: Yes.  
  
Girl: Okay you may now ask questions judge.  
  
Judge: Where were you on the night of Last Summer 5th?  
  
Jack: Is it hot in here or is it just you?  
  
Judge: Excuse me? I have the right to hold you in contempt.  
  
Jack: I don't care how you hold me, just hold me.  
  
(The courtroom is filled with laughter)  
  
Judge: Enough! I will not let you make a mockery of my courtroom! Answer the question or leave!  
  
Jack: What question? Oh let me see.your hot, your hot, and hello Mrs. Sexy! You know where I live don't you? It's the only farm in Mineral village you can't miss it.  
  
Judge: Cliff, please remove him from this court.  
  
Cliff: Yes Judge! Come on your coming with me.  
  
Jack: Gets your hands off of me! You man of the law!  
  
(Cliff leads him out of the courtroom)  
  
WARNING: YOU MAY CONTINUE READING NOW THE REST OF THE FIC WILL BE APPROPRIATE I PROMISE.  
  
Cliff: What the hell were you thinking in there?  
  
Jack: I don't know what came over me. I think Kai did something to my beer.  
  
Cliff: Well that doesn't give you permission to make an ass out of yourself.  
  
Jack: Well whatever it is I think it is wearing off.  
  
Cliff: Normally I would be sending you to jail but considering you are my best friend.  
  
Jack: Cool well I am going back to my place.  
  
Cliff: Okay see you. Meanwhile at the mayor's house.  
  
Chief: Uh mayor.  
  
Mayor: Yes chief what is it?  
  
Chief: There has been another killing sir.  
  
Mayor: Jesus Christ!  
  
Writer S: So what did you think aside from the bad parts good? Bad? Or so so? I'll try to post the 4th chapter tomorrow. 


	4. Some funny shit

Chapter 4  
  
Jack was harvesting the last of his tomatoes, corn, pumpkin, and onions when Popuri comes over.  
  
Popuri: Jack, I heard rumors spreading like wildfire.  
  
Jack: If it's about the one with me sleeping with Ann it isn't true.  
  
Popuri: What? I was talking about another killer is around.  
  
Jack: As if it isn't obvious who it is.  
  
Popuri: You know what I also heard?  
  
Jack: If it's about the one with me sleeping with Karen it isn't true.  
  
Popuri: No, it's about the old Mayor escaping too.  
  
Jack: So what? It aint like he is going to hurt us. Yet. (Laughs)  
  
Popuri: You know what I also heard?  
  
Jack: If it's about the one with me sleeping with Popuri it isn't true.  
  
Popuri: Uh Jack.  
  
Jack: What?  
  
Popuri: I AM POPURI DUMBASS!  
  
Jack: Really? How's every little thing?  
  
Popuri: What a dumbass.  
  
Back at the sprite house, a new harvest sprite joins the group. His name is Steve and he sits in the room with Chef.  
  
Chef: Hey son, what are you doing?  
  
Steve: nothing, you?  
  
Chef: Just smokin....  
  
Steve: Is that all you do?  
  
Chef: No way, I once sent a letter to be a contestant on Jeopardy.  
  
Steve: Uh that's a show with somebody with brains.  
  
Chef: I have a brain.  
  
Steve: Or what's left of it.  
  
Chef: Ill kick your ass son, I'm the one who let you in here.  
  
Steve: I'm just saying you won't get on the show, so don't check the mail everyday.  
  
Chef: I was on TV before.  
  
Steve: What? Americas most wanted? Buddum.  
  
Chef: Nope....Americas most stoned.  
  
Steve: Interesting. Buddum.  
  
(Looks outside)  
  
Chef: MAILMAN!!!!  
  
Mailman: What the.?  
  
Chef: (jumps on the mailman and tears the bag apart and gets all of his mail)  
  
Chef: Sorry 'bout that.  
  
Mailman: You're an animal!  
  
Steve: What is it? A pink slip? Jury Duty? Buddum.  
  
Chef: Would you stop that?  
  
Steve: What? Buddum.  
  
Chef: That annoying word you make at the end of every sentence.  
  
Steve: What do you mean? Buddum.  
  
Chef: What you just did!  
  
Steve: What? Buddum.  
  
Chef: You did it again!  
  
Steve: Oh you mean Buddum.  
  
Steve: The Buddum noise?  
  
Steve: Buddum?  
  
Chef: Shut the fuck up!  
  
(Throws Steve out the window)  
  
Chickens cluck all over the chicken ranch where Rick and Popuri stand. They are outside the house by the river standing next to the fence.  
  
Rick: If those chickens don't stop that noise I'll kill em!  
  
Popuri: If you don't stop being an ass I'll kill you!  
  
Rick: That stupid Kai has been messing with your head again.  
  
Popuri: You're such a dimwit.  
  
Rick: What did you call me?  
  
Popuri: A d-i-m-w-i-t  
  
Rick: I can spell bitch.  
  
Popuri: What did you call me?  
  
Rick: A B-I-T-C-H.  
  
Popuri: (Crying) I'm telling mom!  
  
Rick: No wait!  
  
(Rick tries to stop her and Popuri in rage pushes Rick over the fence and he lands in the river and floats downward)  
  
Rick: Help! I can't swim!  
  
Popuri: Oh shut up you pussy.  
  
(Kai stands in his beach house and looks out at the beach at night time)  
  
Kai: So beautiful.  
  
(The phone rings)  
  
Kai: Hello?  
  
Killer: Hey Kai.  
  
Killer: What are yoooooooooouuu doing?  
  
Kai: That's old, the new thing is WAAAAZZZUUUPPP.  
  
Killer: WAAAAZZZUUUPPP  
  
Kai: That's getting really old though.  
  
Killer: What's your favorite scary movie?  
  
Kai: I watch romance.  
  
Killer: Really?  
  
Kai: Yeah. It's great how I play Popuri like dirt. I date all the girls Fool. I'm a lover not a hater.  
  
(Killer hangs up)  
  
Kai: Hello?  
  
(Zach the shipper comes out)  
  
Zach: Who were you talking to?  
  
Kai: Someone on the phone.  
  
Zach: Ah okay. Ill head back now.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Lilia: Have you seen Rick lately?  
  
Popuri: Nope.  
  
Lilia: Where could he be?  
  
Popuri: Probably getting wasted, going to strip clubs, breaking the law. the normal.  
  
Lilia: Okay, as long as he is enjoying himself.  
  
Popuri: Kai is coming in a few minutes!  
  
Lilia: Really?  
  
Popuri: Yeah I can't wait (Smirks)  
  
(There is a knock at the door)  
  
Popuri: That must be him! (Goes to answer door)  
  
?????: WAAAAZZZUUUPPP  
  
(Popuri screams and the man takes off the scream mask)  
  
Popuri: Kai? You scarred the living shit out of me.  
  
Kai: (Laughs hysterically)  
  
Popuri: It's not funny you ass.  
  
Kai: Sorry.  
  
Lilia: I am going to church. Popuri you coming?  
  
Popuri: (Smirks) No mom I am staying here.  
  
Lilia: Suit yourself.  
  
Meanwhile, Popuri and Kai are sitting alone in the house watching TV.  
  
Kai: Where are you going?  
  
Popuri: To get some popcorn.  
  
Kai: Yeah you can't watch without popcorn.  
  
Popuri: No, you can't.  
  
As Popuri Leaves Kai trashes the house and then Popuri returns with the popcorn.  
  
Popuri: What the fuck happened?  
  
Kai: The killer tried to kill me!  
  
Popuri: He tried to kill you?  
  
Kai: YES I SWEAR!  
  
Popuri: Oh my god!  
  
Kai: What are we going to do?  
  
Popuri: Maybe you should stay here tonight.  
  
Kai: Yeah...maybe ill get some action hehe.  
  
(Popuri slaps him)  
  
Popuri: You set this whole damn thing up didn't you?  
  
Kai: No I swear I didn't!  
  
Popuri: That's it I'm going over to Jack's.  
  
Kai: But.I was the one that almost got killed.  
  
Popuri: But you set the whole thing up and don't say you didn't because I know you did.  
  
Popuri Leaves.  
  
Kai: Goddamn it I almost had her. If I would of just kept my mouth shut.  
  
At the vineyard...  
  
Duke: What are we going to do?  
  
Mana: We are keeping this place until they burn it down, and if they do I'm going with it!  
  
Duke: Mana please!  
  
Duke: Get in here!  
  
Duke: MANA!!  
  
(There is a knock at the door)  
  
Mana: (Opens the door and slams it in the killers face)  
  
Duke: Your being crazy Mana!  
  
Mana: I'm not surrendering!  
  
(She puts on an army helmet and looks out the window at the killer)  
  
Mana: YOU WANT SOME MORE!!!??  
  
Mana: YOU WANT SOME MORE OF ME?!!!?!?!  
  
Mana: HAD ENOUGH WOMAN!?  
  
Duke: Mana you are a woman.  
  
Mana: Shut the hell up for five minutes I'm not going to take your Shit much longer.  
  
Duke: What are you going to do? Throw me out?  
  
(Duke lands outside getting dirt all over himself)  
  
Duke: DAMN YOU!!!  
  
Popuri stands in front of Jack's house. She looks for a while, and some more, and then she gets hit by a cow.  
  
Jack: Did you hear something?  
  
Jack: Let me go have a look. (Walks outside)  
  
Jack: Hey, Popuri are you alright?  
  
Popuri: Yeah I just wasn't looking. That fuckin thing just hit me that's all.  
  
Jack: Alright don't disturb me like that.  
  
Popuri: I am sorry. Jack can I talk to you? (Jack goes inside)  
  
Popuri: Jack? (she walks in behind him).  
  
Popuri: JACK!!!! OH MY GOD!!!  
  
(Popuri watches Jack and Chef smoke drugs on the couch and they laugh)  
  
Popuri: What the hell do you think you're doing?  
  
Chef: Puffin, want some? AHAHAHA  
  
Jack: AAAHHAHA that was a good one.  
  
Popuri: What are you doing?  
  
Jack: Shootin a roll, you know what I mean? HEHEHE  
  
Chef: Ohh that's some funny shit. Well my head hurts I'm going home.  
  
Jack: Same time tomorrow?  
  
Chef: Hell no, I'll be back tonight!  
  
Jack: That's the spirit!  
  
Popuri: Jack, I have something to confess.  
  
Popuri: Something serious.  
  
Jack: Go ahead, I probably won't remember by tomorrow ahaha.  
  
Popuri: I think I killed Rick.  
  
Jack: And I met the pope what's your point?  
  
Popuri: Ok... I'll be leaving now then.  
  
Jack: Come back soon! EHAHAHA.  
  
(Popuri leaves and Jack looks around)  
  
Jack: Damn I ran out.  
  
A group of people gather around in the town center to hear the mayor.  
  
Mayor: As you all know, there was a terrible tragedy.  
  
Elli: What happened?  
  
Mayor: We found Rick's body in the river, dead.  
  
Popuri: ....oooops.....  
  
Mayor: It looks like a suicide.  
  
Mayor: Well, you know....shit happens; I'm going to the bar.  
  
Basil: Hell yeah!  
  
(They all run to the bar) 


End file.
